“Topography of Harm,” Artwork created and provided by Lottie Ellis Art.

She asked herself why there were so many blank pages,

And why she was lost in her own empty gazes,

She wondered if being found was a lie since fate was leaving her empty handed.

It seemed as easy as breathing, sometimes even easier than being,

But she still found herself wanting answers and meaning,

Though it made sense to her, all she could feel was that her grip was slipping.

She was held hostage, locked up in who she’s become,

She knew she was feeling but she had no idea how not to be numb,

She wrestled and fought to come up for air, never knowing the ground where she stood.

Balancing the good through all the bad, seemed to take more effort these days,

Inside and outside, it was always the same, being without would never change,

She was tired of hoping, grew tired of time, none of it gave in with favor.

Life had become unforgiving, uncaring, unrelenting, and she knew,

It would be there, it’s been there, she had no idea why it continued,

This voice that lingered, haunting her, taunting her, she started to hate the way it hurt.

To be used for selfishness, filling a need became easy,

Leaving her behind had somehow become appeasing,

As fingers were crossed being promised tomorrow, it always remained out of reach.

She was stuck in the present, every day was the same,

Simply going through the motions is what her life became,

She mastered it, she played her part, she was a salesman of self with no commission.

She no longer cared for happiness, or all of the sounds it made,

Frustration was hers, every time, as tomorrow would come and fade,

The giver, the taker, was leaving her dizzy, left her feeling so drunk and out of place.

With her eyes closed she knew the pattern, she drew the outline in the dark,

Her finger would trace it, as her tears claimed it, and what is here that has been sparked,

But emptiness was all she could ever find; just empty arms, empty heart, empty space.

She asked herself why there were so many blank pages,

And why she was lost in her own empty gazes,

She wondered if being found was a lie, since fate was leaving her empty handed.