There are plenty of days where you’re just on the go it seems like. Today was rainy and cold, which means Netflix for my girls. During this time, I usually plug my earbuds in my ear with my meditation music on. You see we all tend to push our emotions down. Using work as an excuse not to deal with whatever is going at that moment in time. As a person that used to spend her days pushing her emotions aside, I can tell you that it only takes one thing to set you off before the storm of rages.
Watch Out! There She Blows!
As funny as the title sounds, it’s what happens right? One day it just gets to be too much to push down. Then, BOOM: You’re crying, screaming, or raging about something that happened five months ago. While the rain was falling this morning my mind went to my Grandfather who passed away. At the time of his passing, being out of town with my husband and not able to say goodbye to him is my biggest regret. He was like the Father I never had. I also deeply respected the fact that he would always talk about his love for my Grandmother.
Dealing With That Regret
My emotions took me there, to the place where my Grandmother was holding on to his hand. Saying her goodbyes must have been the hardest thing ever. In that moment I took a pen to paper and wrote what I thought were maybe his and her last thoughts at the time. How do you put into words your last goodbyes? What came from that poem was a great release for me emotionally. After it was said and done, I cried my eyes out and said my goodbyes. The best thing anyone one of us can do is to keep the memories alive of our loved ones lost.
My Last Wish
I hold your hand as the nurse comes in
Don’t you realize you taught me how to live
In my darkest times you always dried my bloodshot eyes
Kissed my head and told me it would be alright
Always held my hand when I was scared
Even in my pain, you never moved and were always there
When I was weak, you lent me your strength
As I sit here and hold your hand
The years may have passed but yet here we still stand
Listening to the machines beeping and breathing with you rhythmically
After it’s all said and done
Your beauty still leaves me breathless
Always remember though my hands tremble with age
When our eyes lock together in a gaze
Now and forever you will be my one and only
As I draw my last breath and I hear you cry
I’ll never truly leave your side.
Their Love Story
Having shared this poem with my Grandmother was incredibly hard for me to do. She loved it, to say the least. Many tears were shed, along with pictures of Grandpa in polyester during the 70’s comes to mind. Who knew he rocked bell bottoms? We shared so many great memories as a family, all together.
Closure Was Found by All
Being married for almost 40 years to someone, in a way she felt like his memory was fading. During the little tasks that she does she often forgets he is gone. She will still call his name to ask for something. You see, she now has dementia. Sometimes she forgets and her mind slips a little bit. We enjoy the good times that we have with her while she has them. At least in this small way their story can live on and maybe even be passed down through the family.
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