Many days, you wake up somber. Desolate. Unwilling to start the day. You think of the previous night, where you struggled against your deepest fears and your darkest thoughts. When your only prayer was, “God, just let me sleep.” You see no value in starting the day right. But you put on your biggest smile and your best clothes to show the world you are fine.
When you are left with your thoughts, you find yourself slipping back into the abyss of darkness. With no one there to hold you or lift you up. With no one there to remind you that it’s okay, except for you. Except that you forget what ‘it’s okay’ means, half the time.
When someone speaks about you or just whispers when you are near, you take it as a personal affront. You start to overanalyze their words, their body language and their facial expressions, overthinking, trying to decipher what they mean.
You start to become less focused on the people around you, the tasks at hand and start to focus a lot on your insecurities that keep on screaming at you to pay heed to them.
Spending time with people, doing things with people seem to be more a demand rather than a joy. Every time you walk of the house, you shut your eyes, prepare your game face, when all you want to do is walk back home.
There’s no point in holding on. Life is tough. There’s nothing here for you. Or so it seems.
Then one day, you wake up. You start to realize one thing. That you’re still on this goddamn earth. That God hasn’t brought you home. You lament. You ask to be taken away. But somewhere in your subconscious, you understand. You understand that so long as you are here for one more second, it means that there’s something or someone that needs your special touch for one more second.
And if there’s nothing left for you to hold on. Hold on to this, the journey you are going through is tough. It’s a battlefield. One you may or may not have signed up for. But the journey you are going through is worth it. Because somewhere, someday, you will use this journey to touch the life of someone. You may not know it, but God does. You may not be appreciated but you may unknowingly save a life.
Life comes around in a full circle. With every breaking, comes a new chance for healing. And with every story, comes a testimony. So hold on, because the reason why life chose you was because it knew that you are going to be strong enough to fight the war.
By Celine Davina,
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