Love her or hate her, there’s no denying that Katy Perry has been exceedingly open and honest in the months leading up to the release of her new album. She’s gotten real about her feud with Taylor Swift, she’s spoken out about her political views, she’s opened up about her sexuality . She’s also done some not so great things: who could forget those unfortunate remarks she made about Britney Spears, or the comment about Obama that some people believed to be racist ? The point is that, for better or for worse, Katy has been more than just a pretty pop star lately. And in a shocking livestream she shared on YouTube, she really proved that. See, Katy’s new album, Witness, was released yesterday, and to celebrate, she’s livestreaming all sorts of things this weekend. She’s been dancing, doing yoga, hosting celebrity guests — it’s been surprisingly personal. But nothing she’s done so far has been as personal as a therapy session with celebrity psychologist Dr. Siri Sam Nam Singh that she streamed last night. In the session, Katy revealed that she often feels pulled between being “Katy Perry, pop star” and Katheryn Hudson, the “dork” she is in real life. “I’m a bit more nerdy than everybody things I am,” she explained. “I’m a big goofball. The fantasy of Katheryn went into into Katy and made this bigger than life personality.” “That’s the point of this whole thing, if people can see I’m just like them they they can dream just as big.” The struggle of being both Katy and Katheryn is what inspired her to cut all her hair off — “I didn’t want to look like Katy Perry anymore,” she said. She also shared that she’s struggled with alcoholism — at this point in the video, someone could be heard urging her to stop the session. But instead of stopping, she just got even more intimate. Katy said that she’s also contemplated suicide, adding that “I feel ashamed that I would have those thoughts, feel that low and that depressed.” She said that she even wrote a song about it — “By the Grace of God” from her 2013 album, Prism. “You can be right or you can be loved,” she said. “I just want to be loved.” It was an extremely personal thing for her to share, and so it just makes sense that her fans have been losing their minds in support for her. “I’ve gained so much respect for Katy Perry,” one person tweeted. “Her therapy session and allowing the world to witness her… my heart breaks seeing her sadness.” A fan told her “Your therapy session touched my heart it was so deep! Know that your katycats love you for being Katheryn Hudson.” Another wrote “I love you as Katherym Hudson. I love you as Katy Perry. I love you with long hair and I love you with short hair. Always.” Beat this, Taylor.