Are you ready to let go of the past?
If you are anything like me then you are thinking, hell yes. I am ready to move on with my life. I want to forget it all.
Yet, you can’t.
It is so hard to forget, to forgive, to let it all go.
Truth be told, it is impossible to move on with your life if your mind is stuck in the past.
Whether you’re holding on to past hurts or clinging on to the thought of having it all back. You are not willing to let go of the past because you wonder what could have happened, should have happened, or would have happened if one teensy eensy thing changed.
You see, there is always a reason that we can’t let go.
GO DEEP AND GET REAL WITH IT
If you are stuck and intent on not letting go then I have one simple question for you.
WHY? WHAT IS IT THAT IS KEEPING YOU FROM LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE?
What is your reason for refusing to move on with your life?
It not living in the present and preparing for your future worth it?
Have you been hurt by someone and can’t get the pain out of your head?
Or were you hurt so damn bad that you have blocked it out? That isn’t good either because it subconsciously has an effect on every aspect of your life from your own emotions, your relationships with others, trust issues, attitude problems, and so on. Most likely you are NOT even aware of it.
Could it be that regret and guilt are eating you alive? You did something so horrendous that you can’t let go. It is burned into your memory. Every time you close your eyes, it replays over and over again.
LET’S SWITCH IT AROUND FOR A SECOND.
What if your past was the best time of your life? So, you try to replicate it. Just hoping that you can feel that happiness again but, it doesn’t happen. You think that nothing can be as good as it once was.
Here is what I want you to do…
Get a notebook, a journal, or your diary and write until there is nothing left to say. Sometimes it is easier to write down your thoughts then to speak them aloud to another person.
It could be a list of things that are preventing you from moving on. Figure out exactly what it is that is keeping your head in the past.
This intensely accurate and awakening book can help you figure it all out.
Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. Shall we?
LET GO OF THE PAST IN 5 STEPS
STEP 1: OWN IT
You got to own that shit! Good or bad. Own up to it.
In order to let go of the past, you must first accept that it happened.
Accept the fact that it happened and you can NOT change it.
That particular moment will NEVER be able to happen EXACTLY the same again. Whether you want it to or not, it just can’t.
IT IS DONE.
The favorite saying of my past was a quote by Pravinee Hurbungs.
NEVER REGRET ANYTHING BECAUSE AT ONE TIME, IT WAS EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED.”
I would repeat it over and over again thinking it made me different from the other people in the same crumby position I was in. I was different because I accepted the shit I did. The bad times, the pain, and all the stuff that I’m not going to talk about right now was ok because I owned that shit.
True, accepting and being able to own it was the first step in being able to let go the past.
Yet, I couldn’t get past that point. In my mind, I truly believed that I was destined for failure.
It is because I wasn’t letting myself feel it. To feel the sadness, the pain, the hurt, even the joy.
I numbed it all out to forget how I felt. I made myself numb so I would NOT be able to feel those emotions.
Trust me, forgetting and letting go is not the same thing. Not at all.
STEP 2: FEEL IT
As much as it may hurt. You must allow yourself to feel. To experience the emotions, the consequences of the choices you made.
Feel it all. Both the good and bad. Yes, even the bad.
Cry, break down, go for a long long run, beat the shit out of something (preferably a heavy bag-not someone), cry some more, get mad, don’t shower for a week, go to therapy if needed. Do whatever you need to do to cope and deal with what you feel.
The point being, you have to fully sit in the devastation that your actions caused. The devastation that you caused to others. As well as the devastation from the choices you made for yourself that sucked.
Once you let it all out then you are ready for the next step. You can move on.
No more holding on to the guilt, the shame, the regret, or the sadness. There is no more blocking your emotions out. You have given yourself permission to feel.
It took me years to get to that point. I would break down just thinking about different situations in my past.
Yet, that breakdown proved something to me.
I was no longer numb. I was finally capable of feeling. Even though there were tears. It was something that I without a doubt, had to do.
STEP 3: FORGIVE
Once you accept it, I mean fully accept it and you feel all of those crazy emotions. Then you are ready to forgive.
Forgive others and forgive yourself.
You don’t have to make a physical apology. You don’t have to tell the person at all. If you forgive them and you KNOW it then, you’re good. That is what matters.
Now, what do you do if there is NO way that you can forgive someone for what they have done to you? If it was something so horrific that you truly can’t forgive them?
Then, forgive YOURSELF. Forgive yourself for allowing it to happen. Stop thinking if you just did this or did that then it wouldn’t have taken place. Stop beating yourself up.
You did NOT cause it.
There was NOTHING you could have done to stop it.
You are NOT to blame.
It comes down to finding a peace within yourself.
An understanding so you can move on. That understanding is being able to forgive yourself because that matters the most.
Use your past as a lesson. Learn from both your mistakes and your successes.
This way, you will know what you have done right and what areas need improvement.
STEP 5: MAKE THE LESSON COUNT
As human beings, we develop routines and patterns.
Everything in our life is a pattern.
That being said, if you do NOT learn from your past then you will keep on repeating it.
If bad things keep happening over and over again, you need to make a change.
It is not that you are cursed or that you have bad luck. It’s the fact that you are doing the same thing again and again.
It’s up to YOU to make the choice to CHANGE.
No one can do it for you.
You can run and you can hide but you will never ESCAPE. You must DEAL with it. – YOU NEED TO MAKE A CHANGE.
Make it count. Make the right change, make a different choice.
Understand your patterns and where they are leading you.
Make a change and you stop the pattern. Stop the past repeating itself again.
Choose to end the pattern, let go of the past, and finally move on.
MOVE FORWARD BY LETTING GO
- Own it, accept it. Understand that it happened and it’s over. It can’t change. There’s no point in dwelling on it.
- Feel it, let yourself really feel it. You must fully understand the severity of the devastation you caused or felt.
- Forgive. You must forgive yourself for what happened. No matter whose fault it was. Don’t carry that weight on your shoulders. Forgive yourself for it.
- Lesson learned. Learn from the past. Know your strengths, your weaknesses, what you need to work on and what needs to change.
- Make it count. When you are ready to move on, make that change. Use what you learned from your past and make a choice that counts. A choice that will break the pattern that was causing hurt and pain.
After you complete these 5 steps, you can move forward because you finally grasped the entirety of the situation. Now you know that what’s done is done, you can’t change it so, accept it and move on.
You can only move forward in creating a successful future if you let go of the past and leave it where it belongs. In the past.
If you let go of the past and learn from your story then, you are one step closer to a successful future.
Are you ready to kick some ass?
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