Emotional abuse is a part of life with a narcissistic user.
Emotional abuse simply is, what life is if we’re ensnared by them.
Emotional abuse comes in many, many flavors and always comes along with an entanglement with a narcissistic user, the predator sociopath.
When a normal person and a sociopath mix, the collision of the normal human brain, and the person with the brain of a sociopath in their head, is inevitable harm to the normal person.
And sickeningly, its absolute run-of-the-mill, just another day to the sociopath.
Emotional Abuse and Sociopath, Narcissistic Users are a Package Deal
Once we’re involved and in love the inevitable fallout of the mix of a normal human and a sociopath is a shock, and harm to us… and nothing new, and not at all hurtful for them.
This mind bending, confusing, collision of a sociopath and a normal person can make us think there’s something wrong with us. There is not. There’s something very, very wrong with a sociopath.
Emotional abuse signifies this is no ordinary relationship.
As normal, gorgeous humans, we think we’re in a real relationship. Naturally we do what normal people do in real relationships. The sociopath does not. Their odd behavior, unresponsiveness and sometimes out right meanness trips us up – we try, we try to make things better: as anyone would in a relationship.
In the beginning a sociopath gauges what matters to us. They fulfill that. As the weeks go by, they discern what we won’t tolerate or forgive, what will keep us trusting, even when they become neglectful or mean. They innately know, or simply guess until they get it right, which behavior of theirs will bend us to their will most effectively.
In reality, we’ve been hijacked, kidnapped without realizing it. We’re not with a normal person, sociopaths have abnormal brains. As a sociopath goes about their day in the world they present a false self, even the barista or car wash attendant aren’t seeing a real person. The sociopath is constantly putting on a fake-front.
Normal Means Relationship Building
We try to keep things harmonious, humans need harmony within their lives and relationships. If both people were normal, both people would contribute to harmony within the relationship, this is not the case with a sociopath.
While we pitch-in and spend a lot of effort self-reflecting, wondering if “it’s our fault,” and trying to make things right, work out the kinks, adjust our perception of what a relationship – this relationship – should be and continue to relationship-build, it takes a while to notice, we’re doing it alone.
We don’t get any where trying to make things good. There’s always a particular moment when it hit’s us: something is very wrong here, and normal isn’t working to fix it… because they aren’t normal.
Sociopath’s Minds Collide with Ours – This Means Emotional Pain for Us
Hooked in, we’re in a kind of “hypnosis” in a cloud of confusion. As the good stuff and whirlwind beginnings wear off and the crazy begins we’re twirling on a merry-go-round emotionally.
We discover if we question them about specific unpleasant or odd things they’ve done, the sociopath gets mad. They lead us to feeling convinced we did something to make it happen, or that it didn’t happen, or they ignore us.
A sociopath wants us kept locked in their spell, they know that an emotional reaction from us is a sign we’re “still in”. They truly do not care what emotions make us stay.
Narcissistic users show rage, and even violent behavior if he or she thinks they’re losing their grip on all those things they got a hold of; they like to keep what they take. Though not all sociopaths use physical violence within every “relationship”, some are incredibly violent if that’s “their thing.”
Normal and Chaos or Trouble Make Us Bond More Deeply
Being in love with a sociopath isn’t a casual connection. We’re deeply all-the-way in. We want the fairy tale to stay perfect. We hang on tenaciously even as we feel it shifting under our feet. We’re worried about connecting on a deeper level, maybe going to counseling together.
Concern about maintaining a home, paying bills, not wanting to break-up a family or fearing for our own future all keep us “in”. The things that string us along are subtle and hard to grab a hold of; sociopaths trap us in ordinary conversation by activating our normal emotional responses.
As decent, normal human beings when someone talks we feel we’re meant to listen. When someone asks a question we’re socially, culturally and innately programmed to give an answer.
Fear of Staying, Fear in Leaving
Never diminish the complete wrongness of any abuse. – Sociopaths are naturals at it because they don’t value us, or care for us. There’s no human connection.
Narcissistic Users, Sociopaths Don’t Care Which Emotion Hooks Us
Our response to their actions is a sign we’re hooked. That’s all they need.
Laughing at us.
Putting us down.
Calling us names.
Making us feel guilty.
Diminishing our feelings.
Making us think we’re crazy.
The silent treatment, ignoring us.
Taking things, plans or privileges away.
Treating us very well (only) in front of other people.
Accusing and blaming us for things going wrong or failing.
Comparing us to their last girlfriend or wife, who did things better.
Intimidation and Isolation:
Making us afraid by using looks or gestures.
Slamming doors, breaking things, throwing things.
Yelling, scolding, ordering or driving us to do or not do something.
Talking about killing and violence. Displaying weapons or physical force in any way.
Telling us who our friends can be.
Trying to keep us from family members.
Creating an “us” and “them” existence.
Acting jealous of our time, people we see.
Using his jealousy to justify control of us.
Manipulating where we go, when we must be home.
Rules about or insinuating when we should or shouldn’t go out.
Controlling anything: what we read, watch, social media, phone time.
Avoiding meeting or seeing our family. Keeping us from their family.
Having friends they won’t let us meet, places they won’t let us go with them.
Having a friend who is held up as having authority of opinion about our relationship.
Minimizing, Denying and Blaming:
Belittling our ideas, feelings, opinions.
Denying that things important to us, matter.
Setting us up to think everything is our fault.
(Faking) illness to keep from talking about our concerns.
Insulting how we take care of the home, kids or spend our time.
Telling us it’s our fault they’re mean, or that things are going wrong.
Using intimidation or belittling to keep us quiet about what concerns us.
Coercion and Threats:
Threatening to commit suicide.
Threats to report us to authorities.
Making us drop charges against them.
Sociopaths pretend illness to control us.
Making or carrying out threats to harm, hurt or leave us.
Telling us we get something only if we do something specific.
Coercing us or charming us to do illegal or reprehensible things.
Taking our money.
Making us ask for money.
Putting us on an allowance.
Their money and it’s source are a mystery.
Borrowing money from us and not paying it back.
Keeping credit cards or accounts secretly.
Keeping income or access to family income from us.
Use outbursts of rage to keep us from talking or questioning them about money.
Male Privilege and Cultural Advantage:
Treating us like a servant. – Even in jest.
Behaving like the King or Master of the castle.
Making big decisions, family decisions without us.
Using beliefs about how women should behave to control us.
Defining men’s and women’s roles or husband and wife roles as he demands.
Female Privilege and Cultural Advantage:
If you were a real man you would…
Threatening domestic abuse charges.
Staging domestic violence.
I’m a woman, so you need to: support me, take care of me, take care of the baby.
Sexual Abuse and Emotional Manipulation:
Bargaining with sex.
Forcing us to be sexual with them.
Don’t tell us about their venereal diseases.
Belittling us for wanting sexual intimacy.
Refusing us physical intimacy under any pretext.
Having affairs. Having wives. Having kids. All secret. Or mostly secret.
Finish reading here: