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Operation Clean Recovery

The Internal Make-Up of Me

  I find an atlas. I decide to break myself into four parts. All equal though a bit undefinable. Each part is one part of the whole.   *** The Northern Hemisphere of Me Here is where I find an innate need for ‘knowing more,’ though I find its boundaries lacking. There is no assigned […]

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Tethered

I remember playing it, that game the ball attached by a rope like a leash, redundant.   Hitting something as hard as it could be hit, watching it spin, watching it continue.   The impact didn’t matter, the result was the same – spinning, spinning.   Never traveling farther than the already existing circumference.   […]

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A Letter To The Person Who Doesn’t Understand My Depression

Please stop telling me how to feel. I know you probably mean well, but I need you to stop. Telling me you “feel sad, too, sometimes,” is not going to help me. Encouraging me to “go out and make new friends, talk to people,” is not going to make me okay. Saying “don’t be depressed,” […]

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A Collection of Sorts

I collected some things as I went for a walk. It was just a collection of sorts. It was a collection that caused for a reflection of my life. It was there where I held two rocks. I held one in each hand. I felt the difference in their touch. One was rough, one was […]

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How to Be Free

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Watching Her

I watch her standing up there. She does it like it’s where she belongs. She’s laughing. She’s still laughing while she says, “I don’t know why but this is just something I have to do.” I don’t dare go near her.  Standing across from her, I look straight down. I can’t guess how far it […]

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Getting Unstuck

When I was younger I took in everything around me. Not younger in childhood years, I don’t expect I was much different from anyone else. Having three sisters, we always found something to keep us busy. But as I grew into my teenage years and then into adulthood, I became a watcher. I watched everyone […]

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Perfecting the Art of Being Alone

One of the skills it took a while to acquire was feeling comfortable on my own. Whether at home, on the road or just day to day, being alone never felt truly easy. I felt disconnected not only from those around me but also from myself. It made me question, what can we learn from […]

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Being Alone Hurts, the Pain Can Help You Heal

Although it can scare us a bit to start with, being alone can help us learn a lot about ourselves, focus on our own well-being and grow as people. Being alone can be painful. Suddenly, you don’t have anyone around to accompany you on the difficult path you are walking. Why has everyone gone? Why has […]

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Everything Is Medicine: A Lesson From The Shamans

In 2010, my soul brother Nick Polizzi dared to take eight sick people who had failed to respond to Western medicine to the Amazonian jungle to put them under the care of three shamans. They filmed what happened in his documentary The Sacred Science. The trailer for the movie recapped the results (cue dramatic music) — “Five will […]

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The Irony I Found In My Coffee

I follow the same routine each morning. Every morning I get up and do the same damn thing. Today, it was the same. It was the same even though it was different. As a single Mom, I tend to question every step I take. I wonder if I’m doing the right things and teaching my […]

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She Let Go

  Somewhere there, between her beginning and her end, she got tired. It wasn’t the usual kind of tired. It wasn’t the empty kind of tired. She just came to a point where being tired was all she knew. She’d dreamed big enough for the world but was without resolve. It was there in her […]

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