I have never fought so hard to write about something in my entire life. I want to say the words so badly and it sounds perfect in my head but actually putting it out into the world is terrifying. The girl that finally got her life together fell back down and fell down hard.

I relapsed.

It wasn’t a slow progression either. I didn’t start drinking first, I didn’t take a pill. No. I made the decision and had a stem in my mouth and a needle in my arm within 20 minutes. And I’ll be honest, after not using for so long it felt like the first time all over again. That euphoric feeling took over and I had fallen back in love with my demons.

Until 3 days later I woke up sweating with my skin crawling and mind racing. S*** …  Here we go again.

That’s when reality sets in. That’s when I remember why I stopped using in the first place.That’s when I want to run and hide from my problems and even more so, myself.