“Struggle,” Artwork created and provided by Lottie Ellis Art.
I’ve learned that no matter how honest you are people will always look for deceit. You can put all of your effort in to being successful but in one instant it can all come crashing down in front of you. While you spend your time focused on moving forward you are missing those small moments in your peripheral vision that you should have seen if it weren’t for your blinders. Everyone wants to see you fail when you chase your dreams. Maybe it’s not because they doubt you as much as you’ve always doubted yourself, but it’s because dreams are images of what has not happened. It’s the definition of words that makes life complicated.
Seeking the truth will only leave you dumbfounded as you take it in. It doesn’t erase reality, it alters what you’ve always known. Faith is personal. Love is painful. Seconds can be eternal and barely existent in their passing. Holding your breath is both involuntary and circumstantial. Doubt is the biggest hater you will ever know, proving it wrong is the hardest possible way to live. What we tell ourselves is not always enough and when people speak you will always want to hear more.
Secrets are peaceful and loud. They are the holders to what you want to keep and the determining factors in fate. While you whisper through tears of contemplation the universe will always be listening. When a path feels right you will still look around and wonder if you are lost – if you’ve been here before. Promises get broken even though they had the best of intentions.
It’s not so much that life is hard but it’s the small moments that make life so big that keeps the journey questionable. We question everything even when we don’t have to. Life’s about constantly repairing ourselves from all the damage we’ve suffered. It’s about collecting what is the most important and trying to let go of it later. You try to pretend you never had it, but the stabbing pain of imagining it not there will always tell you it exists. Trying to forget will always remind you that you can’t. The grip we have on the most important things we’ve collected is the only thing that gives you the ability to know what’s worth hanging on to.
People will always be who they are. Until they want to change they won’t. Until they want to feel they can’t. Until they want to see some view other than the one they’ve had they will never be able to understand. Every one of us is selfish. We build walls to protect ourselves. We tear them down for the same reasons. When light starts to shine through, it’s blinding. But darkness is the same in strength. When we take words and add them up, we may have lost some without knowing it. We can’t unsee what we see, or unknow what we know. Things just are. Things are easy and hard in every way, sometimes independently and sometimes simultaneously. When we get overwhelmed to the point of falling down, the collapse seems unavoidable.
When hurt comes, it’s presence is obtrusive. But happiness is unequally the same. When we believe we have mastered balancing the tightrope, we look down and realize it just isn’t that easy. Gravity can be debated but something still pulls you down, every single time. If we weren’t meant to fly how is that we make it so high? We soar and see everything else below us but the smallest ounce of the breath of the wind can change that faster than we thought possible. The only constant part of life is time. It keeps going and it always will. Perfection isn’t real but we will always tell ourselves it is. We will always fill gaps of emptiness with the belief that they can be erased. We will always hold on to hope. We will always be trapped inside of a struggle.
Life is just a struggle.